Random Q & A (Part XVI)
EDITOR’S NOTE: Wild, wild women, you see them everywhere. Everyone thinks ‘trouble’ when they come in a set of a few. But more often than not, these wild ones want love just as much as the reserved ones. And if they’re smart, they will change their ways. Because eventually most of us have to behave to win over someone’s love.
The girl I’ve been dating for 5 months hangs out with 3 wild girls who are always out meeting guys and sleeping with different guys. And she parties a couple times a week with them. With those wild girls, they’re all hot, so it’s pretty much guaranteed they’ll meet a new guy. How do I tell her I’m not okay with that? And should I be trusting her being out like that?
This is a very touchy subject. You want to give your lady enough room to do her thing with her friends, without seeming like you are uptight. But at the same time, you don’t want her wandering all over the place, especially if her and her friends can get laid at the drop of a dime, simply because of how they look. I’m not insinuating that your girlfriend is like this. The two of you need to do is sit down and set up a few ground rules.
I’ll tell you right now, when you do this, she is not going to want to participate in this conversation. She will say ‘why is this such a big deal,’ or ‘I just don’t understand what your problem is’. The way around this little issue is to explain to her, that you care about her and want to be with her exclusively. And you hope she feels the same way. Any self-respecting woman that has an ounce of dignity for her man and relationship won’t have the ability to say no to a statement like this (if it’s a true statement on your part). Also, I have a question for you. Do you have any problem with her friends, (other than the fact they enjoy going out and doing their partying/hooking up thing)? If there are no other problems, you have to explain to your lady that it’s cool that she is friends with them. You are not trying to tell her who or who not to be friends with. But at the same time, you respect her decisions and just hope that she respects you when she is out with her friends.
Unfortunately,mate, you just have to trust her. Has she ever given you a reason not trust her, Men and chick flicks…I can’t wait to get started! First, I think it is really cool of you to watch sports with your man. It is very selfless of you and shows you care for his taste in television and activities. On the same token, there are many different degrees of chick flicks. Me, personally,
out with her friends that engage in these activities? I know you must be saying, how the heck can I when i know who she is around. The thing is, she may be around those type of people, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she is acting like them. If a guy approaches her, you have to have confidence in her to do the right thing and turn him down. Simple conversation is ok, but if it gets to the point that he is trying to buy her drinks and exchange numbers, it is up to her to deflect his advances. If she does, you have a keeper. If she does not, you have to decide whether you want to stay with her or not. I know this will be a difficult decision if it comes down to this, so when you sit her down and talk to her about the exclusiveness of your relationship, don’t be afraid to be totally open with her about your level of committment to her. It may sound crazy, but trust is the biggest factor in a relationship. If you don’t have trust at your foundation, the relationship will crumble like a creaky old shack.
Is it okay to keep pictures of my exes? I don’t think it’s a big deal, but my boyfriend got mad at me for keeping the pictures. I don’t see what the big deal is!
While you may not think this is a big deal, it obviously matters to your current boyfriend. First, how long have you been together with your new man? More importantly, is it worth arguing over a few pictures with him? I understand that you may have had great memories with your ex, but at the same time, you guys are not together for a reason and you are with your new guy.
I actually encountered this very issue with my current girlfriend. We have been dating for nearly three years and while I was helping her pick up our apartment, I came across some pictures and other belongings of his in a chest of drawers right next to the bed on the same side I sleep on. Even though it has been three years we have been together, it still brought up some problems for me because I know that she cares deeply for me. They should have been gone, but they were there and it bothered me. We tossed them out because it was disrespectful and I was not comfortable with anything of his in OUR house.
Your situation may be different especially if you don’t live together. I understand your want for keeping them, but in my opinion, I say it’s probably not a wise decision if a bunch of pictures of you and your ex are right in your new boyfriend’s face. It will encourage him to question whether or not you still have feelings for your ex; or any of them for that matter. Unfortunately, the mind has a way of tricking people; both men and women. We think things we shouldn’t and we develop thoughts that shouldn’t develop. When these things happen, it leads us to jump into hasty decisions and this can lead to problems in a relationship. Decide if a few pictures are worth losing your partner because I guarantee you eventually it will bother him to the point where he says ‘I can’t deal with this *&^* anymore’ and he won’t put up with it. Here is a good rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t want to see it, don’t let someone else see it. What I mean is, if you wouldn’t want to see tons of pictures of him and all of his exes, don’t make him see a ton of pictures of you and your exes. Even if it is one picture, it can still be enough to make someone be uncomfortable. Not trying to hammer you for it because they are your memories, but take into consideration how your actions can be perceived by others.
Why won’t my boyfriend watch chick flicks with me? What’s the problem? If he really cared for me, he would respect what I want to watch too. I watch basketball games and boxing matches around the clock. How can I get him to watch with me?
Men and chick flicks… I can’t wait to get started! First, I think it is really cool of you to watch sports with your man. It is very selfless of you. It shows you care for his taste in television and activities. On the same token, there are many different degrees of chick flicks. For me, personally, I don’t mind watching some chick flicks with my girlfriend. Some of them are actually really funny and aren’t as girly as others. It all just depends on the man and his own sense of security with his feminine side (man, that sounds terrible that I used that phrase, haha).
As for the degrees of chick flicks, there are a couple of types of girly movies that you can’t PAY a straight man to watch. For instance, you can’t possibly expect your guy to watch something like, The Notebook. I have honestly never seen the movie. But from every woman I have ever talked to, it is a movie for women to watch while eating ice cream and having a good cry. What man in his right mind would want all this mess!!! Another movie that most guys would probably have an issue watching, would be something like Legally Blonde. The movie just does not appeal to men the same way it appeals to women.
What you need to do is find some chick flicks that appeal to both men and women. A good example of this type of movie, would be Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds. It’s not totally girly, but it does qualify as a chick flick. Also, when scrolling for chick flick movies, look at the previews together and find some that are funny. We guys can’t resist funny movies, even if they are chick flicks. It’s really like a mind game with us. You have to trick us into watching chick flicks. The best way to do this is to find one that is not all sappy and romantic. But find one rather funny and interesting to both of you. Hope this helps!