The following is a letter one of our readers wrote to her ex-boyfriend when she realized the pain he caused her was keeping her from moving forward with the guy she was dating.
This letter is long overdue, but had to be said. As I’m dating someone new, I realized how much disrespect you had for me and that I need this closure to go for the happiness I deserve with a man I care for.
I may not be perfect and I have never claimed to be. But the way you treated me was dehumanizing. I was a person of hopes, dreams, and feelings. But you killed that. For 8 long years, you picked at every part of me, from my physical looks to the way I parent our daughter. You labeled it as helpful advice, but there was never anything good you had to say.
You let your friends and family disrespect me, while you claimed I deserved it. I was yelled at, picked at, belittled all while you stood by agreeing with it. They say the best way a man can teach his child love is by loving the mother, by simply even a having a friendship. But I was your enemy, you had so much disdain that I realized you truly began to see me as some sort of evil person. That doesn’t affect me because I know the truth now, that I am a good person with a big heart to love and care for people.
After all your insults and pain you caused me, you took it to a deeper level when you put your hands on my throat long enough that our 2 yr old daughter slipped out of my arms. You were so intent on punishing me for being a strong, smart, accomplished women because you were insecure and threatened by me. You tried to hurt me enough to try to reduce me to nothing. I personally never knew the insecurity of a man could lead to violence, but now, because of you, I know it does.
I was mother of our child, never the father. But your lack of presence, limited to just moments here and there forced me to be the breadwinner, mother, father, decision maker, and in charge of our domestic household. I was neglected, not cared for, never protected, nor were any feelings I professed ever heard. I cried out thousands of times of the pain I had of being ignored and being left to have no social life, while you went out with friends. I stayed in my loneliness, sacrificing being away from parents and siblings to try to keep our family together. And they were 1000s of miles away from me, where no one could tell me I deserved better, that I was a good person, or to tell me you were verbally abusing me. I took it all in and fell so low, I no longer knew who I was.
But the pain didn’t stop there. You betrayed me, lied to me, and disrespected me, when you went behind my back with other women, as I stayed at home with our daughter. You never have and still haven’t admitted to cheating on me, instead it was my fault because you were ‘bored’. It is never okay to lie for anything, including cheating. And newsflash, I was there to raise a child with you, not to be your form of entertainment or to change the channel on when you wanted someone else.
Life with you taught me the darkest parts of humanity: cheating, lying, verbal abuse, neglect, humiliation, and ridicule. As I move on with my life now, you can no longer hurt me. I will no longer feel like an insecure woman, with no self-worth.
You may have brought me down, but you can never hold me down. I am stronger than you, kinder, and a better person because I truly respect people. And now, it’s my turn to rise above you, not with cruel words or unkindness. But by showing that even though you tried to take me down, I’m still shining as bright as the sun. I’m thriving as a single parent. I know that I am beautiful inside and out. And I’m going for the dreams you pissed on. And even now, I have a great man who treats me as the wonderful woman I am.
You hurt me deeply in the past. But, today, my fears (from pain you caused) will not stop me from being with a man I deserve. I’ve suffered and paralyzed myself enough with him. We deserve life’s best and happiness together. So, I choose today, to live my life fully; with hope not fear, love not hate, truth not lies, beauty not ugliness, clarity not confusion, and dignity not disrespect.
You never can and will never be a man, father, or someone deserving of kindness or respect from me. And this is MY life now, not yours to bring down. You never broke me totally, because all these struggles helped build me into a stronger woman. A stronger woman that you can’t fuck with anymore.
The reader never ended up sending this letter to her ex-boyfriend, but was able to move on with her current man. As of last, she never looked back and set asides her fears. And a year into it, they are still dating and very happy! Sometimes you have to look deep into your past to set yourself free to the future.