Not feeling the need to be squeezed
Q: Every man wants to have a woman to adore him and love him, but damn, I’m getting more than my share of ‘love’. I’ve been with this girl for 4 months. Everything was great up until last month when we started talking about getting married, and then all hell broke loose. We’re on a break right now, we’ve been fighting a lot and she’s suddenly getting jealous of every woman I talk to, friend or stranger, even the cashiers in store or servers at restaurants. It was overbearing, I had to constantly assure her that I loved her, that she was the only woman for her, and that I wasn’t cheating. I hadn’t even given her any reason to think I had done otherwise. It started getting even more overwhelming when she would constantly text me and ask me questions about this girl or that girl while I was working. She would blow up at me for different reasons and make everything into a bigger deal than it was, then she’d turn around apologize. It was like a roller coaster ride! She would have whole conversations getting upset and reasoning things, and apologize without me even interjecting one bit. It blew my mind. This has been going on for the last month. Then what caused the break was this final time when we were in the mall together and we started arguing about something minor. I walked away from her and she grabbed me by my shirt. I was taken aback and shocked. She wouldn’t let go while I tried to walk away, this went on for a few minutes and then I just got fed up and yanked myself away. Well, in the process she ripped my shirt. She went to grab at me again and I started walking faster. As I walked faster she started yelling out, I hate seeing people make scenes in public, so I ran off. I ran through the mall, then ran outside, all the while she was running behind me. I remember thinking this is crazy and I quickly caught sight of a bus. I sprinted to the bus stop and was almost there at the foot of the steps of the bus when she grabbed me. She somehow had caught up to me. Everyone on the bus and the bus driver were staring at me, waiting to see what was going to happen next. I lowered my shoulders down in surrender, I couldn’t push her off, I was pretty much stuck. So I nodded to the bus driver to go ahead without me. I turned around once the bus was gone and told her that I needed a break, and I couldn’t continue like this. Her face dropped and then I said ‘let’s go’. And we headed home. We didn’t talk the whole way and we haven’t talked since then. I’m not sure what to do from here. When I told her I wanted to marry her, she was sweet, caring, patient, and the best thing I had in my life. Now she’s needy, insecure, controlling, angry, and impatient. I don’t even know who this new person is. What should I do? Even though we’ve broken it off, she continues to bombard me with text messages and voice mails, even after I tell her to stop. Should I stay with her? I’m not feeling that. Or should I break it off? The only thing I’m afraid of is that she’ll continue to text, call, and email me. I don’t know how she’ll ever stop!
A: Sounds like it’s time for you to move out of the country and adopt a new identity. I heard Amsterdam or France are great countries. Or, if that’s not an option, maybe you could just do it old school style, get rid of your cell phone, email address, have no voice mail, and still move to another city or state. I’d say if you’re not feeling the ‘stay’ option, then you really only have one other option. I mean, the girl can’t even be accepting of your request to break things off. If that’s not psycho, then I don’t know what it is. Sorry, to say it, but I think your girlfriend would be a perfect candidate for the psycho category, and at the minimum, at least the drama category. And that doesn’t really sound like your thing. I always tell people that in dating, people will be on their best behavior in the beginning and this was no exception. Apparently the talk of marriage brought out the worst in her, and it’s up to you to decide if this level of neediness is for you. Or maybe there’s a possibility for her to change ways. But like I said before, she’s not respectful of your decision to want to have a break, so how could she possibly respect you enough to give you what you want in other ways. Sooner or later after you smother a flame, the flame will die out. I know you’ve seen Basic Instinct right, who hasn’t? So, I know you’ll understand when I say you don’t want your rabbit to die! And if you haven’t seen that movie, maybe you should. It might help you make your decision quick!! I know I feel I can’t breathe when the guy I’m dating contacts me more than 3 times in a row without me responding, much less yours who contacts you all day without a response for you. Maybe she just needs a puppy for now. Whatever the case, this isn’t to be taken lately, people have had restraining orders on this kind of thing. Go with your gut, hopefully she didn’t smother that enough to cloud your thinking!