Math that doesn’t add up
Q: One of my good guy friends really wants me to introduce him and hook him up with one of my girl friends from medical school. She’s a beautiful girl and a great catch. Likewise, he’s a great guy, loyal friend, and would treat her well. And just to set the stage, he’s is also my girlfriend’s best friend from childhood. Complicated already, I know. It gets worse. When I first started medical school, I had been with my girlfriend for about 6 months. One night after a study session with my girl friend from medical school. It was an intense study session, so I was exhausted and was ready to just wind down with a drink. I asked the group if they wanted to go grab a drink. The other three declined and the only one who was down to go was her. So, just he and I went to the bar and had a few drinks. We were super attracted to each other and the sparks were flying. We were flirting and having a blast laughing at all the stories we shared. I don’t usually attract girls like her. For some reason, the girls I end up with are never really the intellectual type or like to have deep conversations. I guess you could say I was looking more for the Barbie girl type, but this girl had it all–beauty, brains, kick ass personality. The only thing was that I had heard quite a few stories of her hooking up with several of the guys in medical school. I didn’t know first hand, but it came from too many reliable sources for it not to be true. I knew I had my girlfriend, so I didn’t really care about her rep. But as bad as it sounds, I didn’t want to go home to my girlfriend, I wanted to spend more time with ‘study buddy’. But, it was closing time, so we had to wrap it down. She had parked a few buildings down, and being a nice guy, I offered to drop her off at her car. She agreed and we jumped in my car. Once we got to her car, I turned and looked at her. She pulled toward me to give what I thought would be a hug, but instead I was met with a kiss. I knew it was wrong, but I let myself go. We stayed in there for the next hour and a half, and it all ended when she pushed me away and said she wasn’t ready to go that far the first time. I had come close to the edge and then I was yanked back. She mentioned something about it being late and jumped out of the car. I was confused. When I got home, my girlfriend was sleeping. When she asked where I had been, I muttered that the study session went over late and we had all gone to grab drinks afterwards. She kissed me on the cheek, rolled over and went to sleep. I felt terrible. The next day I saw her in class and she acted as if nothing had ever happened. That was pretty much all that happened. So, pretty much, I never told anyone, not my good friend or my girl friend. Now, I’m at a crossroad trying to decide what the right thing is to do. Do I tell him? If I tell him, that means I have to tell my girlfriend. I’m not even sure what I’d tell her.
A: Damn, this is a dating advice blog, not a blog of suggestions for a soap opera plot! And have you ever heard of Pinocchio? Yeah, the wooden kid with the nose that grew with each lie. Yeah, that Pinocchio. Yeah, you don’t want to be him. I mean, besides the fact that he’s a little boy, you don’t want to be the one whose lies continue to grow and grow. Sooner or later, it will catch up to you. It always does, somehow or another. If I was scandalous and heartless, I would say, don’t ever bring it up, but I’m not, so I won’t tell you that. I mean, you had a chance way in the beginning to keep this from happening. That’s what a lot of people don’t realize, the cheating doesn’t start from the physical touch. It starts long before that, it started when you agreed to go to the bar alone with. Had you thought things through you would know beautiful girl + guy with girlfriend + alcohol = asking for trouble. Yes, I learned that in math class, I used to put it on my cheat sheet and you’d be wise to take note of it. I’m assuming you still want to be with your girlfriend, provided she’ll keep you. Granted, some relationships get stronger after someone cheats, but that’s only if it never happens again. I’ve seen more than one cheating occasion and those usually go down in flames, worse than the would’ve had it been cut it off on the first occasion. IF you get a second chance, you should count yourself lucky!! You want to be the first one to break the news to your buddy rather than have your ‘study buddy’ to reveal it. Yeah, that wouldn’t look good. And so, you’re not sure what to tell her? How bout the truth? That is usually a good place to start. Yes, the hurtful, cold, hard truth. It takes a lot of pride to admit a mistake like that. But for a relationship where trust is supposed to be there, you owe it to her. Not to mention, you’ve got to come clean with your buddy. He doesn’t need the nitty gritty details, but she will. She will need to know what happened so SHE can decide from your information if she wants to continue on with you. And despite the fact that you didn’t go all the way doesn’t mean you should discount or dismiss it. Cheating is less about the physical and more about the broken trust and unfaithfulness. Cheating is lying and no one likes to be lied to. Come clean, your girlfriend deserves the respect, everybody does. And next time, whether her or another girl, remember your math equations!