Rain Rain, Should the Relationship Go Away
Q: It’s my wedding day!! I am marrying the man of my dreams that I’ve been with for the last 10 yrs! We have been through everything–family drama, many fights, jealousy, living together, and planning our wedding. He’s been by my side time and time again after I’ve cheated, almost given up on us, thrown tantrums, and not appreciated him. He is my soul mate, my other half, the one I dream with, the one I talk with, and at night, he’s okay if all I want is to be held. He wipes my tears away, he brings flowers and treats to me for no particular reason, and always knows how to bring me back down to reality. But it’s RAINING! And I don’t mean just raining, it’s monsoon weather! Cats and dogs may start falling soon. And the past few weeks, we haven’t been getting along and have been fighting a lot. I’m starting to get cold feet and don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life with him, especially because it’s storming on MY wedding day, of all days!!! I’m sure you know the tradition, that if it rains on your wedding day, then your marriage is doomed. The same person, day after day, and one day have children. I feel like this is the end of my life and I’m destined to just work, feed the kids, and sleep the rest of my life. And by sleep, I mean, the death of any kind of intimacy in the bedroom! What should I do? Should I walk away or should I walk down the aisle?
A: Woah sister! That’s a tall order for advice, but I’ll do my best. And congratulations, btw, and that’s a congratulations regardless if you marry or not. 10 years is quite a while and a long feat. Few people will never even get to that point. Okay, the guy sounds wonderful, perfect, a gentleman, and someone who’s been there and by your side for a long time. I’m hearing 2 things, one that it’s raining and two that you’re getting cold feet. First, I’ll answer the rain concern cause that’s a little easier to address! Rain!!!! Really!!! 10 years together and it rains on ONE day and suddenly it throws your relationship into a tailspin? I’m sure I’m not the first to let you know this, but I’ll say it anyways, there will be more rainy days ahead. Marriage isn’t the cure all for relationships, it’s the furnace that purifies and puts marriages through the test. There will be disagreements, child issues, parents aging, work issues, and financial problems. THAT is rain and that is the rain you should be concerned about. If you can’t handle the rain and thunderstorms of being marriage partners, then yes you should think again. But, by virtue of living together, you already know some of these issues, and baby doll, even though there is rain, after every thunderstorm, there is SUNSHINE. And the sunshine you will have will be the next day when you are his wife for life. It’s the day of the marriage honey only, but it’s the years and years after that you will have. Your fiance sounds like nothing but good, why throw that away because of a silly superstition? Besides, don’t you live in Florida, it rains there EVERY day, no one would be getting married if that were the case. And on to the cold feet issue, are you ready to let him go? You’ve had a few rough weeks, that’s not a surprise given your wedding is coming up. But, these few weeks don’t change what you’ve been through and what he’s done for you. He chose you because you’re the woman he wants to take care of the rest of his life. You’ve built up something great, cold feet only last for a time, unless you’re dead, your feet will eventually warm up. If your cold feet are making you stop dead in your tracks, then stop NOW, don’t put both of you through the obstacle course when you know you’re destined for failure anyways. I can’t give you the answer because only you can decide what you want for the rest of your life–to live with the man of your dreams who has stood with you up until this day and is promising to go beyond today to be there for you. Or, are you ready to start over, go back to the dating game, watching you fiance marry someone else, and possibly never find someone like him again. I say keep him, he’s done everything right, but I don’t know how cold your feet are. Who’s gonna warm them up your future husband ready to stand at the altar with you or you, when you’re all alone and crushed at the lost of something so important in your life for so long?