First Date Failure to Launch
QUESTION: I recently met a cute guy who’s in the Marines and is leaving for his next duty station next week. We went out on our first date and I never give any guy a chance. The last date I went on was 5 months ago. The night started out well, he treated me to sushi, we had great conversation and then we went to meet up with my friends at a ladies night at a local bar. I bought his drinks cause they were only $2 but my friend looked at me and told me that it was a bad idea. She said he should’ve bought the drinks and let him impress her. Well, afterwards we headed to a local pizza joint. My friend rode with us and he started cussing a ton. She called him out on his cussing, especially after he said he wanted to ‘do me’ and cussed at me. To make matters worse, he cussed out the server at the pizza joint and they kicked him out after he started throwing up in the bathroom. I kept apologizing to my friend, as well as the server and said it was my fault he got drunk. He wants to go out with me again. Part of me says I should let him have another chance and I set him up for failure. I thought he was a good guy, what should I do?
ANSWER: Wow, girlfriend, I don’t even know where to start! There’s so many wrong elements here, I would just much rather recommend you take a mind eraser and forget it all. Kudos to your friend for having a higher standard! If you’re not dating that much then you probably don’t know what to expect, especially if you’re taking responsibility for his drinking. An adult is an adult is an adult. He or she, doesn’t matter what sex, is responsible for their drinking and knowing their limits, period. The fact that he let himself get sloppy drunk, threw up, and cussed at your server is not acceptable. He is showing his lack of respect for you, himself, the server and even your friend to act like that in front of her. For one, if he wanted to put his best foot forward for your first date, throwing up and cussing is not very impressive. If I want someone throwing up on me, I will just go home and take care of my sick child, not a grown man. Second, he obviously does not have a high respect for himself to let you see him like that and also for not buying the drinks himself. Not that he needed more drinks, but it’s a good rule of thumb to let the man to do the spending on the first date. If this man is gonna take care of you, then he should show that from the beginning, he knows how to take care of you. Paying is a great measuring stick on the first date, in the future, there’s more ways. But for now, if you’re only giving out one date every full moon, that’s a good start. Third and I feel like a jerk going down this list, but it needs to be said. If he is cussing out the server, well, that says a lot about his character on how treats people. A person should ideally have respect for every single person, man, woman, and child they run into in life. Just say no to that. And finally darling, if he is cussing even when your friend calls him out, let’s just say, this is worse than the previous comment about every man, woman, and child. He should impress your friends not offend them or make them uncomfortable. And I’m sorry but a man who can’t control his cussing around a woman, is not respecting her. F bombs here and there, okay. But potty mouths beware, not impressive. What do you think he has to say when he’s angry? Sorry for the…well…all of it really, minus the sushi part. Girl, scratch this one off the list like a lottery card that’s not a winner. Plen-ty of fish in the sea, especially ones that have respect for you and everyone else. Squash it girl, next full moon, I hope your date goes much much much smoother!