Ride the Wave
QUESTION: Last night I went on a 2nd date with a really great girl that has caught my attention and none have really at all in the past 2 years. She’s similar to me, very reserved, really thinks things through, and is kinda quiet. I was a little nervous because I can’t read her. We had gone out on our first date a couple weeks ago and I was a little unsure of where we stood cause I didn’t hear from her til 5 days later when she told me she was disappointed in herself and that wasn’t the way she was (referring to the end of the date). We had started the date around 5pm, then went to dinner, then bar after bar, ending up at Mambo Cafe. We were pretty drunk at the end of the night, and out of my nature, we started making out. But, like I said, we were both pretty drunk. We ended up back at my house and she passed out. Nothing happened, but she ended up leaving at 6am. I knew she was feeling a little sick, so I texted her the next day to see if she was okay but I didn’t hear from her. And like I said before, she told me that it was out of character for her and she was disappointed. She didn’t sound very excited about anything that happened, and I was disappointed that she totally wrote off the night based on how it ended. I didn’t think about it for several days and then she just messaged me. We kept messaging all day for a few days and I finally got the guts to ask her out again. She agreed and even offered to meet me at my place which surprised me. I took her to Nobu and it was a little awkward at first, but we finally got in the groove and started talking. There were a few awkward moments. Then we headed to The Porch and had a few drinks. I went for it and put my hand on her knee. She turned to me and smiled. We had a few drinks and when we talked out I grabbed her hand when we walked out. Once we got to Capitol Pub and we had a few drinks. I leaned in to kiss her and she leaned in to kiss me back. I held her hand a little and she would do things like put her head on my shoulder. We headed to my place and we made out a little, then we both passed out. She woke up at 6am and just then told me she had to work. I told her to get out cause I didn’t want to get fired on account of me. She told me she wanted to stay longer as she walked out the door. I called her today and she hasn’t gotten back to me. Is she into me? Should I intitiate more physical contact? How often should I expect to hear from her? Is that weird that she has to drink to feel comfortable? And she’s 23 and I’m 30, I’m not sure how I feel about that. This is slow, should I just look for another girl.
YES!!!! She’s into you without a doubt!!! At 6am she’s telling you she wanted to stay longer!!! You must be pretty amazing… And well, you know if things don’t work out, I am single. Sorry, I digress. But good for you, you found a gem. It’s rare to find a girl with such maturity at that young age. She’s doing all the right things to make sure she’s being the kinda girl that keeps you wanting more, but she’s giving you just enough to keep you pursuing. You’re doing great! There’s no need to speed up things, call her more often, or be really aggressive. If you follow your pace, you won’t end up being THAT guy. THAT guy as in the guy who tries to hard, comes on way too strong, and eventually scares the girl away. You can be the nicest guy in the world, but if you appear too desprate or pursue her like a big dawg, she will run, not walk, in the other direction. A girl wants a man to lead, to take control of the situation, and show his strength, not act like a loved crazed pansy just following an emotional instinct. Calculated, though through actions go far in the dating world for those who aren’t just looking for the same ole same ole. Like anything else in life, the good things in life are worth waiting for and take patience!!! You’re good with the physical touch thing, as long as she’s not tensing up or pulling away, you’re good. Just make sure you give her purposeful touch, meaning don’t be the guy that needs affection from sundown to sunrise, but make sure there’s certain meaning behind it. Leading her hand through the club, hold her hand from the car to the bar. Touch the small of her back when you open the door for her to get in the car. Don’t follow me word for word her buddy, you’ll look like a robot and very unnatural. Just go with it and do what feels right, like I said, she’ll let you know if she likes it. And by all means, when she puts her head on your shoulder, put that honker of an arm around her and let her know what it feels like to be protected by those guns you got! And honestly, as much as people say to have x amount of contact or other rules, it’s really different for every person. Maybe it’s not going as fast as you want, but a true girl knows her worth and is not gonna throw wide open the gate for you. Besides, you probably don’t want that, no guy wants a girl to throw themselves. Right or wrong, it is what it is, but guys are competitive and want the things are are hard to attain. She’s got the right idea, now you just need to be the gentlemen and pace yourself but keep it moving. Don’t lose momentum, but don’t rush her just because you are impatient. Ride it out, go with the flow, I’m sure you have other things to do than to wait by the phone for her call. Well, and if you don’t, then you need to. Go find a hobby or something, nothing scarier than a needy man. Not sexy. Keep it going, you’re good. Now, when are you taking me out to Nobu, that’s the question? Just saying. But all in all, slow your roll son, it’ll pay off in the end.